| | Security: | | | Time: | 12:06 pm | | Current Mood: |  complacent |
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| I'm absolutely thrilled that I got internet on my psp.
I read the most amazing book the other day, it was called The God Box. I learned sooo much from it, too bad I didn't have it a year ago when I first came out and my religion teacher told me I was gay because the devil was making me think I was. So now I have a whole new view, thank God I came out of that dark depression time! I haven't been the same since I came out, making myself think I was something I wasn't. Of course none of my friends know that how I've been acting towards them isn't how I really am since I made the majority of all of my friends after I came out. Now I'm a lot more nicer, and forgiving, and Bobby if you read this that means yes, we're going to be having a serious talk soon. But I'm like I was going into ninth grade again... finally. I'm a lot happier too.
But whatever! I have to go though, cause I have to take a shower, and do an essay.... on FAITH! LMAOOOO, byeee! | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | No Air- Jordin Sparks/Chris Brown | | Security: | | | Time: | 08:14 pm | | Current Mood: | chipper |
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| Hey, old news, but the Writer's Strike is over!!! FINALLY!!! I've only seen those stupid reality shows on tv ever since they started striking... Chuck, where did Chuck go? ^_^
Life's going pretty good, we're on break now, I plan to use this week to fill my brain with knowledge. Well kinda. I have to write a 1000 words essay on the word faith and all of its implications in politics, socio economics and it's connotations and all that junk. I love writing so it should be fun to work on all week. One thing I'm not looking forward to are the graphs that I got in math class, after a killer test. The point of break is to get away from school, not bring it home with you, of course the teachers don't realize this; they don't have to do homework over their break. I guess it could be argued that the essay I have to write is homework, but I want to do that so I don't care about that. The math on the other hand... ahh, don't get me started.
Dani got me in with writing for the Post Standard! I'm so excited that I could cream myself, if guys did that, which they don't.... thank God.
I love the song No Air by Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, I love both of their voices together.
This week has been so different. I feel like I'm in a daze constantly, probably because I haven't really caught up from my lack of sleep the last two months. Hopefully this week I can.
We went to dinner last night for Valentine's day at TGIF. You see all those couples, guys and girls, holding hands at a table with a bouquet of flowers perched on the edge of the table; a sign of the mans' love I guess.... but you hardly ever see the gays loving each other on that day! Well I did. I was sooo excited!!! The one guy with the spikey hair was soooo hot, but he was too old for me anyways, and plus I looked like scum last night. I need my hair cut really bad. I have like bangs now, it's disgusting. But anyway, I was so happy to see those guys holding hands at the table. I was like, "Mom, they only broadcast the hetero couples on the tv and everyone else forgets about the gays." She said, "I don't forget about them, I live with one." At first I totally didn't get it, but then as we walked into New York and Company I finally got that she was indicating the fact that her son was gay and that she didn't ever forget about gays. I'm slow, I know, you don't need to enlighten me.
But I'm gonna either watch Reign Over Me or Transformers with my mom and sister... maybe, Nikki said she doesn't like robots... or guys on scooters so I don't know. ^_^ | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| No school today!
Which is nice considering the fact that I never finished completely writing the Peter Pan/Candyland/WizardofOz/ story that I had to write for spanish. Don't ask, I have a really large imagination.
I'm not going to talk about breaking up with my boyfriend... because it annoys me. I just don't want to think of that anymore and I've already moved on. Not to another person, just past that. I find that I don't get attached too easily, thank God. I'm gonna step away from this scene for a while.
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So I got in an argument with my dad like... a week ago about college. He thinks that it's very simple for me to decide what I want to do with the rest of my life when I'm 16 and at his command. I get really frustrated with this cause he's rushing me and everything! It's not fair! I already told him I wanted to major in English and minor in Drama... or vice versa not sure yet. That's as far as I got before he starts telling me "We don't have time to wait anymore. You're a junior and you need to make these decisions now!" Yes, because I know millions of kids my age who know exactly what we want to do in a few years. Ummmm no, we have ideas, but we're not certain. So I voiced my frustration to him.... and my sarcasm always slips out, it just happens I guess. So we got in a huge screaming match... well he was screaming, I was keeping my voice down... I think.... and making sarcastic remarks back at him cause that's what I'm good at. I am now "grounded from everything in this life that makes you happy." Which means no computer! YAY ME! But it's hell week, the week before a show, and I don't have time for all the stuff he took away from me anyways, so it doesn't matter. But I'm sneaking on the computer now... I should prolly go eat breakfast, my stomach just grumbled. Home alone for the day! Whoot!! Should I make eggs? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Security: | | | Time: | 10:08 pm | | Current Mood: |  guilty |
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| Farewell to the world in which I have dwelled.
I think I might pack my bags and leave.
Remove my pictures from your mantelpiece.
I'm not sure.
It's been hospitable to me,
I think it's time to leave.
Not for good, just for now.
I don't think I'm welcome here anymore...
Maybe I'll come back when I'm ready.
I think the hardest part will be stepping through the door.
Have I made up my mind?
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| So today I had the wonderful midterm for chemistry... what a wonderful subject, because we all know that I'm going to go into a profession in which I am going to try and get valence electrons into other orbitals and combine them through... whatever they combine chemicals in... I don't even know. That test was so boring... why do I always get bored in school? Well it wasn't school but same difference.
Since I forgot to bring in the camera for Ryane's movie yesterday I brought it in today. Since my dad didn't pick me up from the school till 11 something I had nothing to do, so I went down and shot the movie for them. I wish I wasn't such a movie geek... shots, angles and camera tricks... why are they all in my head. It's useful skills I guess.
Their movie looks good, hopefully they'll get a one hundred on it when they present it to the class.
Talking to the boy whom I sort of cheated on with my boyfriend is going along better than I thought.
Whenever the little snot tries to hit on me, I say his name very loudly so that he knows to STFU. It's taking him a while to realize that I don't like him... but he's getting there and can probably turn out to be a cool friend in the long haul.
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I actually got some sleep today! Finally, after being at rehearsal until 7 ever night this week and getting up at 6:30.... it's been really tiring. Just so happy there was no rehearsal today...if we run the Merry Old Land of Oz one more time I'm going to shoot myself and sing "Ozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" really out of key.
I fell when I was rollerblading as a flying monkey. Everyone in the auditorium was laughing for a good 30 seconds so I think I might do it again on the night of the performances... slapstick humor you know? It's been proven to work!
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I need a wireless router ASAP!!! I think I might castrate myself if we don't go get one soon. Actually then I wouldn't be able to reproduce... but I'm gay so what do I care? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| The old wind blows back the past.
But why has the past come back?
Some say it's like Serendipity.
I hope not.
It would be too painful if it was.
Why would something like that happen?
The wind blowing back the past? | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| Today was great, seeing my boyfriend this morning totally rocked my day. I'm getting a little more used to this place and making some new friends, hopefully.
Rehearsal went without a snag... sorry if that's all I talk about... but it's my life you know, so it's a kinda "must talk about" thing.
Anyway, I've decided why I'm more confident than I used to be today... I was actually talking about my friend to my mom when I realized her situation was exactly identical to mine about a year ago when I talked to nobody. It was pretty sweet to acknowledge the stem of my rather strong surge of confidence... So I was happy to realize it had not come out of foolishness, but out of recognition of who I was as an individual... Coming out helped a ton too. ^_^.
Whenever I realize something deep like that it always makes me in such a good mood, I don't know why and maybe I didn't explain everything carefully enough, but let's just say that overall, today has been the best day of my life in a really long time. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| I got out of rehearsal early today!!! They didn't need anyone who was in act two... which is the only act I'm in... hopefully I'll score a more prominent role in the play... that's my strong point anyway, not all this singing and dancing.
Something amazing happened today between two people, but I'll keep it to myself. :)
I've been in my pajamas all day long, everyone at rehearsal was commenting about them and it made me laugh.
I have to vacuum the floors now... so I can't type much, but I'll post something again soon!
And to my wonderful boyfriend, thank you so much for having your mother give me a ride this morning, I'm soooo grateful! | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| Whoa, not gonna lie... that was a TON OF WORDS DANI!
SHEESH! :)
Read 'em all... just so's ya know. :)
Well today I had to go to Saturday rehearsal for The Wizard of Oz. I got up at 8:30 to be at the school by ten.
That wasn't too bad right?
Well when I got there... I sat in the audtiorium for about an hour and watched them run the first few scenes. By the time they got to the part with Professor Marvel I was bored out of my mind because I've seen it so many times so I decided to go practice on my rollerblades, for the flying monkeys. Another hour went by of me skating around the school with some friends, talking, laughing, all that good junk.... THEN, rollerblading got boring. So I took them off.
Went back inside... it's now 11:30. I'm not a happy camper because I hadn't done anything yet.
It was gonna get worse.
So then I sat and watched them run the scarecrow scene... the crows nasally voices annoy the hell out of me which is why I didn't audition to be one of them, can you tell me why the heck I would want to sing as though I had something stuffed up my nose? Umm... yeah I don't have an answer either.
Anyway, I decided to eat the lunch I brought... it was now nearing 12:00.
We have munchkins from all of the elementary schools in our district and they were coming at one.
The choreographer was coming at two.
I'm only in one dance during the show because I'm a flying monkey and the change between the jitterbug dance and the part where we attack Dorothy and company is way too fast for a human to possibly change during it. I mean... they couldn't even untie their shoe and then tie it again before they would have to be onstage again, it's crazy.
So the munchkins got there, neato right?
Did I mention that I hate the sound of children talking? Like seriously, I HATE IT.
Well we have a really stupid choral director who has no idea what the hell he is doing, so he frequently told the director of the show to tell the actors on stage to speak up because for some reason his trait of telling people what to do suddenly dissappeared! Amazing huh?
Well there is this one scene where all the munchkins are poppies and Dorothy and co. fall asleep in them. I am not even joking, we spent about three hours on a TWO MINUTE SCENE!!!
Unattentive children and a deaf choral director trying to run a scene is one of the most disastrous things I have ever witnessed. I made lots of new friends who all have the same thing in common with me, WE HATE THE MUSIC TEACHER. The director even expressed her hatred towards him when he wasn't looking, which made my day. :)
It was now about 3:15 by the time they finished with the poppy scene. I WAS PISSED. So far I had come to school at ten and had done nothing until 3:15. Can you give me a B-I-G W-A-S-T-E O-F T-I-M-E! That's more like it!
They ran the jitterbug dance until 3:40... they started at 3:30 only because the great oaf of a man who plays the piano "left the music in my car... should I go get it?"
No, why don't you let everyone on stage sing and dance to a song with no music. That makes sense.
By the time I finally got on stage, it was 3:40. We ran the Merry Old Land of Oz which is tremendously fun to dance and sing to, but then we stopped at 3:45 because the choreographer needed to use the stage with the munchkins.
Just in case you couldn't tell where I'm headed..... I WENT TO MY SCHOOL AT TEN-O-CLOCK THIS MORNING TO DANCE AND SING FOR LITERALLY 5 MINUTES ABOUT 15 MINUTES BEFORE THE REHEARSAL WAS OVER.
NOT HAPPY ABOUT THIS AT ALL!
Rehearsal ended at four... and I went home. PISSED, yes... I am.
But I'll get over it... :) | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| I thought that when it was all done and over I would be alone.
Alone.
I thought that what had happened was okay; trying to justify did nothing to ease my guilt.
Alone.
Talking about it made the tears flow.
Alone.
Talking about it made mine flow too.
Alone.
I'm glad it's out.
Alone.
I'm glad it's known.
Alone.
It's nearing the end now.
Alone.
It's nearing the finish.
Together.
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pyodog51991's journal
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